Friday, October 30, 2009

“What I really need are a pistol and a sword” and other random Halloween statements


One night last week while I was in Chicago on biz, The BF called me and we had a very serious conversation about our costumes for Meg & Mo’s Werewolf Bar Mitzvah/Halloween Party this weekend (we are going as Captain Morgan And His Wench). Right about the time that I realized that anyone overhearing this earnest discussion about eye patches and boot covers and the sewing of jabots and hats matching coats would think we were crazy, The BF says “What I really need are a pistol and a sword.” Now I had been having a very trying time at work, the kind of week where you think maybe if I blow something up or throw something out a window, I’ll feel better. So my new mantra has been “What I really need are a pistol and a sword.” It seems to be working for me.


Someone in my apartment building keeps leaving bowls of Halloween candy by the elevator, and it's the highlight of my day.


The other night I went shopping for the aforementioned eye patch and assorted Wench-like accessories, and overheard two young men who were quite dismayed over the inaccuracy of the insignia on the Star Trek costumes. Dude, you are buying a $35 polyester costume at Party City. Did you really think it would be authentic?


My favorite Halloween costume as a child was 1977, 5th grade, Princess Leia. White turtleneck, white long-sleeved dress that my grandma had sewn out of a sheet, and a gold chain belt of my mother’s. I wore my hair in two buns that were more like munchkins than the coffee rolls Carrie Fisher sported, but there was no doubting who I was. We went trick-or-treating with some family friends in a nice development of endless cul-de-sacs in the next town. One of their neighbors was dressed as a tomato and she kept losing her newspaper stuffing, so by the end of the night she looked like a sun-dried tomato, only it was 1977 and no one knew what those were yet.  When we were done, our dads “inspected” our candy. Funny how the Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups were always “suspiciously damaged.”


On one of our early morning walks, Meg and I were discussing how all the commercially available costumes for women are always “sexy”. Sexy Vampire. Sexy Nurse. Sexy Angel. You can even be a Sexy Detective. It’s all so very wrong. Mariska Hargitay is a sexy detective. A grown woman in a miniskirt, crop top, white knee socks and a Sherlock Holmes hat is just pathetic.

We thought it would be a great feminist statement to buy 6 “sexy” costumes, cut them up and sew them back together as one patchwork outfit of misappropriated identities (you can take the women out of the women’s college, etc.). It never happened, but this text exchange did, a few days later:

Meg: I think I am going to be a Flight Attendant for Halloween

Me: Regular or Sexy?

Meg: Stop that!

Me: I don’t think you can buy a non-sexy flight attendant costume

Meg: I found one on Etsy!

So now I am going as a Pirate Wench and she is going as Joan Halloway from Mad Men (insert slight jealousy here). We’re going to be sexy without baring our midriffs, exposing our boobs or hiking up our skirts.

And we will inspect our own candy, thank you.

And by candy, I mean cocktails. Happy Sexy Halloween.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Fall Swap Booty!

Wednesday was a tough day (actually the last 4 weeks have been tough, tons of work prepping for three big conferences coming in the next 5 weeks, lots of travel, ignoring everything and everyone except working and sleeping, blah blah blah (sorry BF, family, dear friends, cats, your blog, for being so neglectful)). A long 12-hour day at work, lots of big and little fires getting put out, no time for lunch, and then at the end of the day we find out Kelly the Fab Assistant (who recently got promoted so she is Assistant no more, yay!) had her car broken into in our parking lot, for the second time in two months. It was just a poopie day all around.

But then I got home and there was a big box waiting for me…

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And inside were all kinds of amazing goodies from the lovely and talented Raina… my swap-ee in The Claw’s Fall Swap Party…

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Many of them with a birdy theme – magnets, soap, napkins, makeup case… Hmmm, however did she know I like birdies?…  ;-)

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And BTW Raina did you know two things I am mildly obsessed with are fancy soaps and cocktail napkins? Seriously, I have an entire drawer in the buffet solely for cocktail napkins. Thankfully I actually have people over for cocktails or it would seem like one of those weird hoarding things.

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{Zoe approves of the pillow. Don’t let that “Village of The Damned” look fool you, she’s a real pussycat.}

Thank you, thank you, my lovely bloggy friend, for all the beautiful goodies!

My Swap recipient was Le Claw Sherri herself, and I sent her a box o’ Connecticut goodies, possibly committing a felony in the process.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Everything’s amazing and nobody’s happy

This is not new, but it’s new to me. So funny and, sadly, so true.

Thanks to this fabulously talented friend for posting it on Facebook.

I found the bit about flying especially relevant: today I flew to/from Washington DC for biz. There & back -- with meetings in between -– in less time than it would have taken to drive round trip. Yes, Louis CK, that is amazing. The airport I flew out of, however? Not amazing. The Fisher Price airport is more sophisticated than the crazy place I flew in and out of...